What to do with all the MarySues?
by dira1
Summary: Yet another parody directed straight at the ‘Supreme Beings’ themselves. Muahahahaha…Includes multiple character perspectives. Please R&R!
1. Default Chapter

 What to do with all the Mary-Sues?

 Summary: Yet another parody directed straight at the 'Supreme Beings' themselves. Muahahahaha…

Written from the perspectives of some of the students and staff of Hogwarts. 

The Great Hall was completely silent, with the exception of the low rumbling omitted by the stormy ceiling overhead, and the light, anxious whispers of the first years about to be sorted. At the Gryffindor table, Harry Potter rolled his eyes and beckoned his two best friends Ron and Hermione, who leaned into him from both sides. 

"We've got another one."

Ron raised his eyebrows and scanned the group of terrified first years until he found her. She wasn't hard to miss. She was taller than the rest of them...possibly a 6th year. She spoke with a sweet, sugary and distinctly American accented voice to the first years and offered them a bite of her Chocolate Frog. It was a good thing she was pretty (with blazing blue eyes and white gold hair) or Ron would have been sick.

Hermione pulled away from Harry and scowled across the table at Ron. Taking in his glazed countenance, she snorted and followed his gaze to the girl visible in the mass of first years. Sociable, perky and pretty…but was she smart? Probably. Hermione's scowl etched deeper into her features. No way was she going to let one of nature's greatest monstrosities help _her _with homework and gain favor from all _her_ teachers

Uh-oh. She sensed something was about to happen. Harry sensed it too. Ron woke from his dazed stupor and listened.

5, 4…Hermione silently counted. 3, 2, 1…

"Excuse me, Professor" came the sweet voice from the pack.

Professor McGonagall had just opened her mouth to call forward "Abersmith, Alan" and stopped. Her beady eyes turned into slits as she registered the new student. She sighed mentally. For the love of Merlin, not another one!  

"And what is _your_ name?", she asked with barely concealed iciness.

The girl drew herself up proudly and announced, "My name is Chastity Goodall. I've just transferred here from Michigan, where I was top at Mathematics, Science and loads of other things at my _very_ selective high school. I was nominated for school presidency, but I declined, seeing as how unfair it would be to the older students. The teachers wanted…well, begged me really to take up the position but then I got my letter from Hogwarts, which my parents didn't take as a joke, and…well, here I am!

She flashed Professor McGonagall with a knock-down-charming smile.

Professor McGonagall sighed and beckoned her forward. Her nostrils flared when she pointed to the stool where Chastity sat down and beamed at her new schoolmates. The Professor dropped the hat on her head where it began to whisper to itself. 

"Hmmm…let's see here. What is that? Ah, courage. Always a good attribute to have…wit, you seen very gregarious…and not a bad mind…a very good mind, in fact. Well my dear, I believe you are absolutely perfect. I'll let you decide what house you want to be in…"

Chastity thought hard. _"Gryffindor…I must be in Gryffindor. Harry's just so damn gorgeous! Even if he is my cousin twice removed…" _

"GRYFFINDOR!!", shouted the hat. The tension that had been present in the hall ever since Chastity had introduced herself, broke. The Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin tables cheered loudly. The Gryffindor table groaned.

And thus, it began…


	2. HelloChastity

A/N: I do not belong Harry Potter or any other of J.K Rowling's creations (If only Severus, if only…), but Chastity is my own morbid invention. Enjoy!

Chapter 2: Hello…Chastity.

Harry Potter suppressed a groan as it came flouncing up to their table, gold hair flying behind her.

"Hi…welcome to", Harry began to mutter but Chastity overrode him with sickly enthusiasm. "Oh, I already know who _you_ are!" she chirruped, thick, dark eyelashes fluttering. 

Harry's fringe moved slightly from the gust of air they fanned towards him.

 "I'm Chastity Goodall…I'm an American transfer student. I've heard all about you…and I think, well…", she beckoned him with her finger. Harry obeyed, rolling his eyes, knowing what was going to come next. "I think we'll be _great_ friends". She whispered intently. Harry forced a knowing smile and Chastity beamed, while showing perfect, even and almost blinding white teeth. They forced Harry to squint slightly from the glow.

Hermione spoke up.

"So I suppose you've caught up with all the work from years one through to five?" she asked, forcing the muscles in her mouth to move upward into what looked vaguely recognizable as a smile.

"Oh, yeah" she said, twirling a lock of perfectly spun hair around her finger interestedly. "Professor Dumbledore said I was well beyond my expected skill rate. I'm already a self-made metamorphagus, a tri-animagus…"

"Tri-animagus?"

"Yeah, I can transform into a unicorn, a bunny rabbit and a rare form of pink-and-purple phoenix. Three animals." Chastity said, holding up four fingers, which caused Hermione's lips to quirk up even more into a smirk. 

"I've also memorized my whole Ancient Runes table, my Arithmancy formulas and I already know how to concoct a Defeating-Evil Draught. I met Professor Snape earlier, gosh; I've never met a nicer man. I don't know why everybody here doesn't like him. I told him all about what I could do and he seemed positively delighted."

At this, she turned around in her seat and waved frantically towards the High Table at Snape. He caught her eye, and a thin, black eyebrow shot up along with a simultaneous tightening of his lips as he quickly engaged in conversation with Professor McGonagall.

Uh-huh.

Chastity turned back around and came face-to-face with Ron.

"So…going to try out for Quidditch this year?" he asked casually.

"Oh, sure. Did you know I can catch and throw Quaffles in record time? That Madam Hooch told me." At this, she let out a gasp. "We can be on the team together!" she shrieked excitedly, grabbing Ron by both shoulders and shaking him roughly.

Ron sighed. Tomorrow was going to be a _very_ long day. 

**Sigh** Second chapter done! Next chapter is from Snape and McGonagall's P.O.V's.

A very, VERY big thank you to:

The Dream Hazer, Candor, Scattered-Sunshine, Tartan, Permanently Unhinged, s n o g g i n g  withdrawal, Kewen.  

People like you make writing…worth it. Thanks!  J

**erin666: **I did look at your profile (no…not to flame you) to see how well you wrote stories. I think it's pretty pitiful that you've wasted valuable account space to flame people and not write any stories at all. Anywhere. I know you don't care what I think, but I (and other people) don't care for what you have to say either.


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